The Sewer Pump Fiasco of 2008

Oy!

What a weekend I had. So my plan was to drive over to Spokane Friday night to see my family. My new baby niece, Addy (er “Midgemo” as this Auntie has nicknamed her. She is one chubba punkin poop. Most of you know about my family and our ridiculous “Morrison language” as well as our weird nicknames!), was going to be in town so I was excited to get to hang with all of my chitlins (code word for 2 nieces and a nephew) that weekend! But God had other plans. So Thursday night I come home and find a little ‘present’ left for me by my Weiner schnitzel, Nike. It’s always a joy to come home to find turds on your carpet. So I pick it up with some TP and toss it in the toilet. *FLUSH* It doesn’t go down….instead the toilet starts to overflow. AHHHH! So I throw down a bunch of towels and was pretty pumped that I was still in my work clothes. It’s nice to wear 4 inch stilettos when you have toilet water all up on your floor. STILTS! Kept me above the water line, folks! Good thing I wasn’t wearing flip flops!

So I run upstairs to borrow the neighbor’s plunger. It’s always fun trying to plungerfy your toilet with turds in it. (Sorry too graphic??) I am plunging and plunging and plunging. Nothing. The water does not go down. With each plunge I can hear water gurgling up through my bathtub drain. Hmmm….that’s odd. So I call my friend Brandon…of whom is a plumber and who I was going to go hang out with to watch the USC vs. Oregon St. football game before the toilet situation started. He said to not use the water….my pipes are probably clogged…and it’s not just a toilet problem. So I call my landlord and they send the maintenance guy out to snake my pipes. I figured he could handle it so I leave to go watch the game. I come back and the maintenance guy is gone….and my living room, kitchen, and laundry room is FLOODED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE CRAP!? (Yes that was a deliberate pun….) So I call my landlord and she calls an emergency plumber (it’s after hours by this point). He comes and tries to figure out what is going on. There is a spot in my living room that the floor gets wet every once in awhile. I couldn’t explain it but after everything flooded it seemed that the water was coming from this area. So then the plumber said a pipe may have broken….which would mean I would have to move and the foundation would have to be dug up to fix it. “NOOOOO! I love my apt and location and don’t want to move. Please Lord don’t let it be a busted pipe!”

So while they were working on the situation I head upstairs to hang with the neighbors. Who wants to stand around watching a plumber try to figure out where this gross sewer water is coming from? I call the landlord back and she offers to come help me clean it up…”I will be there in 20 mins with towels”. I laugh. “I hate to break it to ya, sistah, but this is not a towel job. We’re talking an inch of standing water in my living room and laundry room. I need an industrial shop vac stat!” So the maintenance guy is sent back out to suck up all the water. It got most of the standing water out but obviously it wasn’t going to take care of the saturated carpet. (HAHAHA so he sucked up a few unmentionables from my laundry room floor. He was dumping the full vac container in my yard. So when I found a thong in my yard the day after I couldn’t help but laugh my ass of.) The plumber and Ike (maintenance guy) tore up my bathroom. The toilet was off the floor…..mud and what not all over the place. (Segue……so it is embarrassing to have your toilet plug and have to have a plumber come over and deal with the turd issue. The worst part was that the turds weren’t even mine! They were little weenie dog turds. I mean….if he is going to think these are mine then I should have some personal pride and left a big deuce deuce. Do it big I say! Again, too much info?) So Ike comes upstairs and tells us that my sewer pump is broken and the pipes were clogged with various items not to be mentioned. (I gotta draw the line for you boys!) They left my bathroom a disaster…..we could not use the toilets or shower….or water at all. Even the upstairs neighbors had to forego flushing toilets and taking showers. So there were a few moments of peeing outside that night. Just like camping! Nothing is more fun that peeing outside in your yard at 3 in the morning…and then again at 6. Keep in mind my yard does not have any secluded spots to do this. So during the 6am relief I was just waiting for my neighbors across the alley coming out to go to work and see my squatting in my yard like a weirdo. Let’s just say I peed really fast!!

So the next morning a plumber comes to replace my sewer pump….which happens to be located in this odd counter like thing in my living room. So that explains the random leakage under the carpet over there…..it was the pump leaking. So he pulled the baseboards off and cut open the wall to get at the pump. There was mold all behind the baseboard. HEALTHY! So he replaces my pump and ends up being the nicest plumber ever. He looked like John Travolta….”Look Who’s Talking” Travolta. Anyways…he was upset that the previous plumber and maintenance guy left my bathroom such a mess so he helped me clean it up. I ended up giving him a hug when he left and thanked him profusely for all of his help. I don’t think plumbers get hugged enough on the job so he was caught off guard I think! HAHAHA! Some carpet guys came over to suck up some of the water from the carpet and too see what could be done in terms of cleaning. My landlord at first wanted to just have the carpets cleaned but they carpet dudes told her that it absolutely must be replaced! YAHOO! New carpet…….party time! I was not looking forward to having my sewer water soaked carpet cleaned. That is still icky. It pretty much smells like 20 dogs came in my house and pissed all over the place…and then I watered the carpet down with a garden hose. Yumtastic!

So I spent the weekend dealing with that mess. I had to stay home from work on Friday to deal with the crisis and then I couldn’t head to Spokane due to the mess. It was a bummer…..and my niece was very upset that Auntie wasn’t coming. *Tear* *Sniffle* I love my Shae Shae so much (That is my girl!!) and I was upset that I couldn’t make the drive….but maybe I wasn’t supposed to go.

The blessing in all of this is as follows:
1.) No furniture was ruined.
2.) My bedroom did not get flooded….which is good considering I have clothes and shoes all over the floor.
3.) Felicia’s bed is on the floor in my art studio which is part of the kitchen. Luckily nothing of her stuff was flooded either.
4.) It was not a broken pipe. So they got me a new sewer pump and that will take care of the random wet spot. And I don’t have to move. PHEW!
5.) I get new carpet!!! The old carpet was gross to begin with and was a cream color and considering I have a dog who likes to leave me ‘presents’ and I am a clumsy red wine drinker you can imagine the state it was in. I requested dark brown carpet to be put in…except that may bite me in the ass when I step on a Nike doodie that now blends in with the floor. J
6.) This did not happen while I was out of town. I would have hated to have Felicia trying to deal with all of this by herself considering it’s not her house, she doesn’t have my landlords number and she is so busy with rehearsal. Plus she may not have given Mr. Travolta Plumber a hug and that would be a disappointment.

Praise God that I have a landlord who I am good friends with and who was available when I needed her. Praise God that it wasn’t anything worse than a faulty sewer pump. Praise God for new CARPET! And I am thankful for a nice plumber who looked like John Travolta. That’s always fun having a celebrity look alike. (My director at work looks identical to Michael Douglas that it is Eerie. The only difference is that he is very short. Anyone seen that episode of Sex and The City where Samantha gets hit on by this really confident sexy guy in the bar and she agrees to go on a date with him. Then he hops off the bar stool and is so short! LOL he comes up to about chest height! LOL…..that is my Director. It’s always weird to wear heels at work and go talk to him and literally tower over him like I am a freakish NBA player!) It could have been so much worse and He was faithful to me in all of this. You gotta love when His grace is very evident in your life.

So that was my weekend. I should be getting new carpet sometime this week. So for now…..I am just dealing with the rankness of my house!